Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
