She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
