I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
