I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
it was like eating out sand paper
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
