i barfeds in our rink
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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