i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
