if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
