he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
well you can't waste a boner
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize