i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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