Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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