I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She's JV to your varsity
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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