If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
