i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
