i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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