I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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