That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Did I show you my penis last night?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
