I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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