hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
