when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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