what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
