All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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