p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
