why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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