wrigley field is MILF paradise
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
