I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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