I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
