She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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