Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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