After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
