So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
