Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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