lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
