Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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