so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
