I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Randomize
