im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
