at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I need to stop coming to work sober
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
