I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
