Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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