Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
