I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
