Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize