i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
