i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
