My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
