Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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