That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
