What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
