He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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