I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
