literally had 100 drinks last night.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
