she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
