using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
