it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
