1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
