have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
