i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
