Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So much Jack, so little girl.
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