Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
