i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
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