Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize