Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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