Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
