last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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