We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
