I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
