woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Randomize