i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
