And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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