call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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