all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
